Let's take a ride!

Do you remember that childhood song: "Let's take a ride in an automobile, let's take a ride in a car, listen to the......... go ......... as we travel a long" ? Well this seems fitting for me lately! There are a lot of sounds to be heard while going in a car! So take a ride with me!

1. I pulled the car up to the stoplight and the windows were down on a beautiful fall day when I heard this noise! I asked my kids what I could possibly be hearing, so my poor kids, went through every sound they could hear and I would try to match the sound I was searching for. (I am blessed with adorable and patient kids!) And it turns out, I could hear the leaves blowing across the street!!!!!!!!!!! That just BLEW me away! Really, leaves across the street?!!!! I have heard of leaves as you crunch upon them while walking, but to hear they rustle across the street! That just made my whole week!

2. Rain sounds different for me right now. I don't know how to describe it. But when in a car, rain used to be kind of muffled and all together static like. Now for the first time, on a rainy day, I can clearly hear the pitt-patter of the raindrops on the roof of the car. Pretty cool!

3. I can hear the keys in the ignition when turning off the car, nothing new there, but I didn't realize that I would still be able to hear it as I got out of the car going to the other side to retrieve the baby. I was able to hear it loudly to the other side. You can be sure I will never do that again, the keys go with me!

4. As we were driving home I noticed I could hear a motorcycle which is nothing new but I couldn't see it anywhere! I asked the kids if I was imagining that sound, they said no, so we started looking for the motorcycle. It wasn't until we were going uphill, that we saw the motorcycle that was 12 cars away from us!!!!!!!!!! Ok, that may not seem like a big deal to you, but I could only hear motorcycles that were close or at least in sight and around me, but for it to be so far away and I could still hear it almost faintly but clearly-THAT'S A BIG DEAL!!!!!

While I am extremely grateful for these news sounds, my frustrating and hardest thing I am dealing with right now is being able to communicate. Whether it is too much noise around me or the person is not loud enough, or I am having trouble decipher what a speaker is saying whether from pulpit or in a room, I am still struggling with communication-the very thing that I must deal with daily and the very thing that I had mastered with my old hearing aids. Now I have to start over again and I am now struggling!! I am reminded over and over to be patient, but it is so hard to be patient when dealing this daily! My audiologist said I can later switch frequencies or change my setting so background noises are not bothersome and such, but right now I have to get used to all these sounds so my brain can process them.

So right now, I am trying to enjoy the ride and pray for patience: I can't do this on my own, thank goodness I got someone who can carry me through this! 

Ugly Sweaters....

Not much has changed since I last posted as for encountering new sounds. But I ran into two friends of mine and like what they had to say and my hubby had something to tell me as well (and this is the only time I will ever admit this-He is right! There I said it, he better read this before I delete it! (smile) What all three had to say were God's friendly reminders that I needed that day!

The first one, was from my dear friend Ken: when it comes to the sounds I don't like: "Every day must be like opening Christmas gifts for you right now. Even the ugly sweaters will eventually turn into beautiful evening gowns." WOW! At the time, those "ugly sweaters" or "awful sounds" that I don't hear really bother me! So if I focus on those awful sounds, then I might miss out on the beautiful sounds around me! So the worst sound for me is hearing the water run, it makes my skin crawl!! But looking at those "ugly sweaters/awful sounds" in a different light happened this past week. I was sitting in my living room with the baby wondering if my kids are obeying me when I told them to get in the bath tub. I was just about to get up to check on them and then I heard the "ugly sweater/awful sound". And then for the first time, I was able to just sit right where I was like a normal hearing person and think, yep they started the bath and yes they are obeying me! ha! And you know what, that feeling was exhilarating!! To be able to just sit there and actually KNOW what's going on! Yes Ken, those ugly sweaters are turning into the most beautiful evening gown I could never imagine! 

The second reminder comes from my friend Kae: when it comes to my struggles in my therapy trying to retrain my brain and struggles to listen the new sounds: "It is good for your kids to see you struggle, it helps them learn that struggles are normal part of life, even our adult life!" It just dawn on me after talking with her, since I homeschool, I am with my kids 24/7 (I love it!), how many times have I tried to put up the "everything is perfect" face with them? How many times have I "protected" them from my struggles or the struggles around us? I am reminded of John 16:33:  “These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.”  I NEED to share my struggles with my children! I need to whine to them about how I do NOT like therapy but make sure I end my whining and share with them John 16:33 and say God is FAITHFUL! He will help me get through this, just like the song I heard from Steve Green in concert at my church (my first time hearing a concert-it was overwhelming at first with the music, but I now know I LOVE the sound of a guitar!), "He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it" I cried when hearing that song, what a great reminder!! Thank you God that you are there! And so now, sharing my struggles with my kids, they in turn share with me their struggles and now we are learning how to specifically pray for each other and turn our struggles over to Him! Praise God!

Thirdly, my dear husband who has taken me ALL the way to Kentucky for the doctor visits and surgery, who has been by my side when I got the news I could never hear again, that I have infection behind my eye and now need additional surgery, and who was there when I heard my first BEEP and knew how disappointed I was to not hear my kids first, and then was there at dinner with me to hear the birds chirp for the first time and was able to celebrate with me reminds me to be PATIENT! Whew....patience?!!! I exercise patience with my kids, with my dog, with everyone but myself! I have been waiting a year to hear again and I want to hear normally and be done with therapy and the trips to Columbus! But alas, I must be patient, I will get there just like hubby says. 


So bottom line:  I need to be P.A.T.I.E.N.T, share the struggles with others, and enjoy those ugly sweaters! I started this blog saying not much has changed, but maybe not in sounds, but changes are taking place in this heart of mine!

Little Miracles

It has almost been a month and I am amazed as to how far I have come! Every day I am presented with a new sound that I have heard before but in a different way or a completely new sound I have never heard before! And no more beeps and whistles-yay!! I went to my audiologist for the first time since I had this activated and she was amazed as how fast I went through my levels I was given on my implants! But there things that need "tweaking"! She lowered the high sounds for me since I have never heard high sounds before and they can be very piercing to me. And what a difference that made! And just so you know, she didn't get rid of it completely, she says I have to get used to those high pitches because that is what everything sounds like with those high notes! I still have a long way to go, but it's a process like everything else and every day I am getting better! I do have days where I wish this was over and I can just be "normal" and then I have to laugh in disbelief because these implants are allowing me to be "normal" in this hearing world and I have never been at that "normal" level before!! So as of my last post, I couldn't hear my baby cry, but NOW, oh yeah, I can hear her cry alright! As a matter of fact, I can hear her cry down the hallway!!!! What a first!! I still don't like that water faucet and the washing machine/dryer and I REALLY want to get my dog de-clawed with those sounds on the wooden floor! (do they even DO that for dogs??!) But I really have to share with you my favorite and new sounds that I have been hearing just this past week alone!!!

NEVER HEARD BEFORE:
*My baby sighing when I am putting her to sleep!
*The tea kettle whistling!!!!!!! WHOA that can be loud!!
*The beeping when the key is in ignition or I have not yet buckled up!
*Birds chirping!!!!!! And get this, I don't have to be outside to hear them! I was in the living room with the windows opened and I heard them in the HOUSE?!?!?!?!!!


SO ENJOY HEARING IN A NEW WAY:
*My daughter playing the piano-piano is such a new sound now!!
*My son pronouncing his phonics in reading to me!
*My family's voices at dinner table!

And the most fun sounds I will be hearing this weekend, is having a birthday party for my little Victoria who turns 1!!! My prayer has been answered to be able to hear again before she turns one!!! Thank you Jesus for this beautiful gift!!!!

My First Sounds....

On Monday, August 27th, my first sounds were......BEEP, BEEP, BLIP, SCREECH, DING, DING, DING!!!! For every word or sound spoken that is all I heard!! I was not expecting this at all! I thought that I was able to hear before, I would hear some sort of voice, but instead, it was all bells and whistles all day long!! You can imagine my disappointment and shock that these sounds were my first! I did not take this first day very well. As a matter of fact, I went into great depression that night, I REALLY wanted to hear my kid's voice, if not exactly just something of their voice-but no, nothing but bells came out of their mouths when speaking to me.

In all fairness, I was warned by my Surgeon to not expect much. He said that with me being "deaf" all my life, my brain will not be used to these sounds! I told him that I had hearing aids all my life and I have heard sounds before! He said with a hearing aid, all the sounds come at you at once and hearing aids just increase as best at they can of what is around you. Cochlear Implants, takes the sound directly where it needs to go through-the cochlear as natural as possible. He told me it will be normal to hear these bells and whistles, my brain is re-wiring itself creating new pathways to understand these new sounds (our brain is pretty amazing-as my daughter said-"God is a genius for making our brain that way!!")  He said this is all a process. I must do my therapy on the computer for one hour each day and I start at the lowest setting right now and work my way up to the hearing that my ears are allowing me to hear-which I will show you where I am at on the audiogram at the end!

But let me explain better what is going on here. When I got my new hearing aids in college, a switch from analog hearing aid to a digital hearing aid, it was a very overwhelming experience to hear things differently. So if one were to clap their hands in front of me, I would hear that sound but it would be a different tone and I could hear that CLAP CLAP and be overwhelmed by the new sound I could hear of the clapping. With a cochlear implant, since my brain doesn't understand these new sounds, when the kids were clapping a couple of days ago, I heard BEEP BEEP BEEP! My brain is trying to comprehend the sound. It wasn't until day four I actually heard the CLAP CLAP and no more bells! Now you understand this process? Imagine having to do that kind of thing for EVERY sound EVERY word spoken! Whew! This week has been rough, busy slowly I have been adjusting and after all the tears and frustration, on day five, I can proudly say that I am accepting each sound that switches from BEEP to the actual sound as a gift from God! 

I am switching my attitude in the mornings, from "I am dreading putting that thing on me!" to "What sound am I going to hear today?!" But I tell ya, some days it is so overwhelming, I can only turn my implants on for 3 hour and that is all I can take! Just remember, I am homeschooling, so do you know how many sounds happen with two kids, a baby, and a dog?! (laughing) They are all strengthening my ear skills for sure! 

So what can I hear now? I am still hearing beeping and screeches and bells for sounds around me that I am not sure what they are, but here are some sounds that I have been able to enjoy this week-the FIRST week!

I can hear my baby talk-dadada, lalala and a little of her laughter!! 
My kids voices no longer sound like bells but their voices-it sounds robotic right now and so I affectionately call them my little robots!
I can hear hubby's voice completely-robotic too!
I can hear my footsteps as I go up the stairs.
I can hear the clicking of the keyboard as I type this.
I can hear my voice-robot again!
My dog's bark sounds sharper and strong.
Today I was able to hear the wind outside!
NEW SOUNDS: I have never heard my cell phone ring! OH MY GOODNESS!! / I never knew how sharp a dripping faucet sounds in my kitchen-Now I am going to get that fixed for sure!!

These sounds are all muffled and I can comprehend them: I can't hear my baby crying (probably a good thing right now!), I can't hear music, I can't hear the tv, I can't hear dishwasher or washing machine-again all these sounds are either muffled or beeping. 

Sounds I cannot STAND to hear: the washing machine, water from the faucet, opening any chips/cracker bag-the crumbling makes my skin crawl! These sounds SCREECH in my ears-I am sure my audiologist can help lower these sounds for me. 

Whew, what a first week for me! I get very overwhelmed in public so I am sorta bummed that worship and soccer games will be a challenge and may be put on  hold for me right now. But like my hubby said, this is just my first week, just imagine where I will be in just one month! So onward goes my adventure of discovering God's world around me!

I took a hearing test right after activating my implants and guess where I can hear (but right now they are starting me at the lowest setting working me up to this level) just like YOU!!! Check my audiogram below: By the way the black line is where a normal person-you can hear, the red is where I am at with my implants turned on, Green is where I have been all my life with hearing aids and orange is where I became completely deaf just one year ago: What do you think??!

Soon, I will be able to hear again!!

Wow, just six more days and we get my implants turned on and I will be able to hear again! The last day I was able to hear was at the children's Christmas program, which was sons four birthday, December 5th, 2011! I have been feeling good from having surgery a month ago! I still have swelling at the top part of the incicsion and burning/itching which are all signs of healing. I am still unable to sleep on the side where i had surgery, I am not sure if it is just knowing that I have something there and I don't sleep there or if it is the swelling that is bothering me. Time will tell.

Manehile, I have been thinking about how my life will change next week! I have been through so much in just one year that my son asked yesterday, "mom, after we go to Kentucky this weekend, when we come back, are you going to finally hear?"  Yes, my son, I will finally be able to hear!! So to prepare myself, I am trying to adjust my expectations. Right now, I just want to be able to hear my kids voices, if that is all I can hear, then really that is enough for me! So I made a list:

Things I want to hear that are important to me for my everyday living!!
Kids voices and laughter
Hubby's voice
Piano
Phone ringing
Hear strangers who start conversations with me ( I actually dream about this, to have conversations and feel confident and reach out to others and be able to chat about simple things!)

Things I wonder if I will be able to hear??
The birds? (I could hear a woodpecker, but not other birds before)
Someone at the door?
My kids putter patter across the room (heard that the first time two years ago, loved it!)
Whispers? Never heard this, a sentence being whispered to e!
Tea kettle?
Crickets? Never heard before!
The dryer going off to let me know clothes are done? Never heard before- kids tell me!


I am also excited to be able to join into worship at church soon! I give God all the praise in this journey, his love to get me through this and comfort has been amazing!! Praise be to God for this wonderful technology gift that I will be given next week!

Bionic now!

Wow! I know it has been a while since I last posted, but I am now the Bionic Heather and so with that comes recovery and healing! So let me give you the brief version of just what has been happening the last several weeks! (By the way-I was so blessed by all the encouragement and prayers via facebook, email, and cards that I received BEFORE my surgery! Thank you all!! It means a lot to me and I appreciate each and everyone of you!) Hubby and I were very impressed with the hospital that took such good care of both me AND hubby! That early morning (4am wake up call!) we were greeted with each nurse and doctor that would be in the operating room with me. There were a total of 8 of them!! And each one of them were positive and professional! I requested an interpreter for that morning to make sure I would not miss out on any important detail and she was simply wonderful-like the sister I never had! There was not much to interpret before the surgery and all went well! Throughout the surgery, hubby was kept up to date through the computer flat screen on the wall where it is color-coded through our doctor's name to let hubby know which stage of the surgery I was in (pre-surgery, surgery has started, in surgery, recovery, etc) plus the doctor would call hubby in the waiting room letting him know where he was at with me during surgery! How cool is that?! The surgery went beautifully, the doctor came and gave hubby pictures of how it looks inside my ear and said that he expects a great outcome of this surgery. In recovery, wow, it was brutal trying to wake up! I was in no pain, but felt swelling and the usual groggy stuff and totally out of it. I was trying to talk, but could not due to the tube they put in my throat and thankfully my interpreter was there and I signed everything to her to tell everyone what I needed-wow I REALLY needed her then-never thought that would be during that time though! But we got through it. We stayed in the hospital and finally had my first meal of macaroni and cheese 30 hours later! That night at the hospital was the worst of all the pain I have had in recovering from this surgery. I did not get much sleep at all that night between the pain and trying to get in a comfortable sleeping position with my head all wrapped up! We came home to my wonderful greeting crew of my kids! My in-laws helped SO much in making me recover so quickly and I appreciate all they did, from taking care of the kids, allowing me to nap, and they even did a cleaning of the house-I am talking SPRING cleaning! (Thank you both!!!) We just got back from the doctor this past week to check on my incision and all looks well-no infection!! YAY! I need to continue to heal in the next several weeks, allow the swelling in the ear area to go down and then are you ready for this?!!! AUGUST 27th I WILL BE ABLE TO HEAR AGAIN! And it looks like this is coming just in time for me to hear important things: Baby will turn 1 in September, son is playing soccer for the first time, daughter will be taking more piano lessons (by me as her teacher!) and going into drama classes, I will be teaching a class for homeschooling, and with all the fall and Christmas activities coming-wow! I am already overwhelmed just thinking of all the things that I just might be able to hear! So now another countdown begins: 23 more days to go til my new gift is complete!

Three more days til I go Bionic!

WOW! I can't believe that I can say in three days I will get my implants!! God has been SO good to me! My infection is gone, I am healthy and ready to receive my new gift of hearing again! (I consider my hearing aids the first gift and now the implants to be able to hear is the new gift!) As we are busy getting ready for my surgery since it will take place in ole' Kentucky, I am reminded this week of Jeremiah 29:11- "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." It will be almost a year before I can finally hear and I thought I would never get here, but you know what? It took me a year to get where I am at emotionally, to be really ready for these cochlear implants. I have never wanted these implants and in the beginning when I first lost my hearing I never thought I would entertain the idea of implants. But God is faithful! He knows me SO well and I am thankful to Him! Several people have asked if I am nervous about the surgery. Honestly-I totally trust my doctor-I am thankful to have such a good doctor-my daughter calls him our angel in disguise! (smile) But I did have one day of surgery jitters about five days ago when I said, "Oh my goodness, the doctor is actually going to cut me open?!!!" ha ha ha, it just dawned on me just what he really is going to do, I have been so focused on what the implants will do for me and I knew he would have to cut me open to get the device in me, but five days ago I went through the jitters and a good friend reminded me of Psalm 91 and it is just so beautiful for this time of my life that I need to share with you-do you know Psalm 91?

Psalm 91

1He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High

will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

2I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,

my God, in whom I trust.”

3Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare

and from the deadly pestilence.

4He will cover you with his feathers,

and under his wings you will find refuge;

his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

5You will not fear the terror of night,

nor the arrow that flies by day,

6nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,

nor the plague that destroys at midday.

7A thousand may fall at your side,

ten thousand at your right hand,

but it will not come near you.

8You will only observe with your eyes

and see the punishment of the wicked.

9If you make the Most High your dwelling—

even the Lord, who is my refuge—

10then no harm will befall you,

no disaster will come near your tent.

11For he will command his angels concerning you

to guard you in all your ways;

12they will lift you up in their hands,

so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

13You will tread upon the lion and the cobra;

you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

14“Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him;

I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.

15He will call upon me, and I will answer him;

I will be with him in trouble,

I will deliver him and honor him.

16With long life will I satisfy him

and show him my salvation.”

My ultimate trust is in HIM!  So the next time I post on here, I will be the Bionic Heather! Just a friendly reminder, I will not be able to hear yet. Doctor will implant the device in my ear and back of head (3 to 4 hour surgery), wrap me up, and if all is well no complications, to go home and rest. I need to get the swelling down and rest up, the following week to see doctor to make sure no infection, that will determine how soon I can "activate" my bionics and start using my new gift! Thank you to each and everyone of your prayers, help, encouragement, and just reading my blog!!!!

Just what IS a cochlear implant?!

I was updating my calendar today and I realized that tomorrow a week has gone by and I will only have THREE more weeks til my surgery if all goes well!! (SQUEAL!!!!!!!) My heart is just thumping at the thought of the day I can type, "Today, I am going bionic!" So I thought in celebration of a week going by (which by the way, I am feeling SO much better from my recent surgery-thanks for all the prayers and support you guys!!) I thought I post a couple things to show you just what a cochlear implant is!

This is a link that shows you a video of how a cochlear implant works:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L5Rgcrm3Cow


And these links I just had to post to give you an idea of what a life-changing experience it is to have cochlear implants as a child!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v6UQBX8sNPY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tsyOx0z57pU&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1TA_AbhqA8&feature=related


Wow, these all made me teary-eyed! Maybe I will have a video to show in a couple of months! Ha!

Not out of the woods yet!

Two words describe my recent surgery for my infection behind my eye: AWESOME and UGH! Let me explain. My doctor was out of this world! He is AWESOME! He explained everything in details before doing anything, (yes I was awake through it all!). He put a very wide band around my head and forehead and it turns out to be a device that protects my brain during the surgery and he is one of the very fewest doctors that do that! The hardest part of the surgery was just trying to numb me up! It took about an hour to do that and that is the UGH part! I am so thankful my husband was there to talk me through it and get me through it! My throat would become numb and I couldn't feel myself swallowing and that terrified me! I was never in ANY pain from the beginning of numbing to the end of surgery-for that I am very thankful! (If you are in need of a sinus doctor, contact me because I HIGHLY recommend this doctor in Columbus!)

Now back to the two words again: The surgery itself was only 10 minutes-AWESOME! And as soon as it was done, I felt like I could breathe better!  He found that there was no infection there but I was inflamed as if there was an infection there. We really don't know if my infection was there and then the medicine the cochlear implant doctor gave me took care of this and it showed up inflamed on the cat scan or it just recently went away-we don't know, but now the critical part is ensuring that the infection does not come back. So I am to do these rinses-UGH, these are not your typical saline rinses through a netti pot!  I have to shoot up 12 ounces of this "medicine" three times a day for an entire MONTH! The last few days have been really tough to do because I am still swollen and so I feel like I am drowning when I do these rinses. But the doctor said these rinses will help to make sure the infection does not come back.

Four days before my surgery date of the cochlear implants, I have to see him again for him to do an MRI: and there we will see if my infection came back which I need to do the surgery all over again - UGH. Or my infection may not be there and I can proceed for my cochlear implants on the 19th - AWESOME! So I am technically not out of the woods yet, I am REALLY REALLY REALLY praying that all goes well and on schedule for the 19th. I am holding onto faith right now!

A DATE!!

I have a date!!! WOW!!!! I never thought I would be saying this! On JULY 19th, I will officially get my implants and become "robotic"! Ha! I will not be able to hear at this time, I have to heal for a month and allow the swelling to go down and then go back in August to be "Activated" (hear)! I feel like the Terminator when I say that! But to have a date; wow what a difference it makes! When I heard the date, I cried because I said to myself, "I really am going to hear!!" It feels so real now. And God answered my prayers, I am going to hear on my baby's first birthday in September! I have my surgery on my infection behind my eye next week and once that is over, I can start preparing for my official surgery! 

Please pray for my kids and I though, we are getting very weary of the struggles that we go through with my deafness in our day to day living. I prayed with them today and asked God to give us the strength to make it through the last two months with patience with each other. Just two more months until I can hear and what a difference that will make in our lives!!

Several of you have asked me more information about the implant itself and so next week after my first surgery, I will give a detailed post about the implants and what is involved in actually hearing through these implants!